|
Post by debbie on Jul 2, 2007 11:37:19 GMT
|
|
|
Post by cesca on Jul 2, 2007 15:05:01 GMT
hehehe
|
|
|
Post by debbie on Jan 30, 2008 14:28:13 GMT
Thought I'd rescue this thread from the TVW vaults!
I received this today - made me laugh!
This has to be read, laughed at and passed on. There is not a woman alive today who won't crack up over this! I was due for a cancer smear with the doctor later in the week. Early one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to spare. As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So, I rushed upstairs, threw off my pyjamas, wet the facecloth that was sitting next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was at least presentable. I threw the facecloth in the clothes basket, donned some clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, 'My, we have made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?'
I didn't respond. After the appointment, I heaved a sigh of relief and went home. The rest of the day was normal - some shopping, cleaning, & cooking.
After school when my 7 year old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, 'Mummy, where's my facecloth?'
I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter saved inside it.' NEVER going back to that doctor ever!!
|
|
|
Post by cesca on Jan 30, 2008 18:50:33 GMT
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
|
|
|
Post by jimee on Jan 30, 2008 20:04:02 GMT
heehee, I like it
|
|
|
Post by pam on Jan 30, 2008 20:13:16 GMT
Oh my, I can just imagine the shame of it...in fact I'm blushing on behalf of the woman! LMFAO!
|
|
|
Post by debbie on Feb 29, 2008 12:39:08 GMT
Now, I just received this 'What your car says about you' thingy. As far as I can see there's not a car on here that doesn't contain a moron so therefore it must've been produced by a motorcyclist!! According to this list I am an airhead who wants to be a banker!?! Who are you? Do you know someone who fits these descriptions perfectly?
Acura NSX- I am impotent. Alfa Romeo - I’m looking for Beta Juliet. Aston Martin DB7 - I have sweaty feet, but still women like to suck my toes, I wonder why? Audi 90- I enjoy putting out engine fires. Audi TT - I love golf, but I love my car more. Audi A4 - Airhead who wants to be a banker, but is already a merchant . . . Audi A6 - I like/have to shave my hairy bottom. BMW 3 series - I’m a successful sole trader & I can’t drive. BMW 5 series - I have a successful limited company & I can’t drive. BMW 7 series - I get other people to do my work, I’m far too important, but I still can’t drive. BMW Z3 - I eat bananas with Marmite spread on them & passed 3 GCSE’s. BMW Z4 - I run a trendy wine bar & have drunk most of the profits. BMW Z8 - See Nissan 350Z Buick Park Avenue- I am older than 34 of the 50 states of America. Cadillac Eldorado- I am a very good Mary Kay salesman. Cadillac Seville- I am a pimp. Chevrolet Camaro- I enjoy beating up people. Chevrolet Chevette- I like seeing people's reactions when I tell them I have a 'Vette. Chevrolet Corvette- I'm in a mid-life crisis. Chevrolet El Camino- I am leading a militia to overthrow the government. Chrysler Cordoba- I dig the rich Corinthian leather. Chrysler PT Cruiser - I dig graves & carry coffins. Citroen AX - I chew on Barley straw & enjoy stamp collecting. Citroen C3 - I want to escape to the jungle where life is free. Citroen C5 - I have dreamed of conquering Mount Everest, but then thought it best to get a real job. Citroen Picasso - From Essex, also see Renault Scenic. Citroen Saxo - see Ford Fiesta. Daewoo Matiz - I eat pizza for lunch & smoke 50 a day. Datsun 280Z - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well. Dodge Dart - I teach special needs children and I voted for Tony Blair. Dodge Daytona- I delivered pizza for four years to get this car. Ferrari 360M - I need a counselling session with Jerry Springer. Ferrari 575 Maranello - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits pending. Fiat Uno - I’m a student waster. Fiat Brava - Daddy buys my cars, one day he’ll buy me an MR2. Fiat Bravo - I drive my low budget company car. Fiat Espace - I live on a council estate; also see Renault scenic. Fiat Multipla - I have no taste; also see Renault scenic. Fiat Punto - I have product overload on my hair & consider Pizza Hut an Italian restaurant. Ford Anglia - I buy all my clothes and consumables from my local pound shop. Ford Cougar - I secretly steal street signs, I have them arranged in my back garden & at night it looks like aliens have landed. Ford Escort - I’m a wannbe boy-racer, but in secret I buy pot plants for my mummy & take my Grandma shopping every week. Ford Fiesta - Hairdresser, no sense of direction. Ford Fairmont- (See Dodge Dart) Ford Focus - I’m a boy-racer disguised as a sensible office worker at the weekends I'm a curry monster!! Ford KA - I’m a student & can’t afford a Fiesta. Ford Maverick - I’m cute, gay & immature and I love peanut butter. Ford Mondeo - I’m a family person posing as a business manager. Ford Mustang- I slow down to 85 in school zones. Ford Orion - I like to cut shapes into potatoes and give them to the homeless. Ford Sierra - I still think LA Gear trainers are “cool” & prefer it when my mum ties my shoelaces. Ford SportKA - I’m a geezer-bird/Silly little boy who doesn’t know what real rally car looks like. Ford StreetKA - Half a convertible is better than no convertible at all. Ford Puma - I want a sports car, but won’t pay the money for it. Ford Crown Victoria- I enjoy having people slow to 55mph & change lanes when I pull up behind them. Geo Storm- I will start the 11th grade in the autumn. Geo Tracker- I will start the 12th grade in the autumn. Honda Accord - I pick my nose & flick the boogers at small children. Honda del Sol- See Ford StreetKA Honda Civic- I have just graduated and have no credit. Honda Accord- I lack any originality and am basically a lemming. Honda CR-V - I’m a friend to the animals & I talk with my mouth full. Honda Jazz - I’m a train-spotter who’s been arrested several times for stalking the trains. Honda NSX - I’m stuck in the 80’s & never eat my greens. Hyundai Coupe - I still have acne, but honest it’s just the teenager in me trying to get out. Infiniti Q45- My job requires me to ensure every Jammy Dodger has no smaller than a 2cm Jam diameter. Isuzu Impulse- I don’t give a rip about Max Power or their reports. Isuzu Trooper - I fancy Dale Winton. Jaguar XJ6 - I’m so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is in the shop 280 days per year. Jaguar XK8 - I’m immature and have more money than brain cells. Kia Sephia- I learned nothing from the failure of Diahatsu Corp. Kia Sportage - I consider Car Boot Sale purchases Antiques of the future. Lada Favourite - I’m a member of the Taliban seeking asylum in Great Britain. LandRover Discovery - I’m a rich mum, who can’t drive. Lexus LS400- I’m psychic, I knew they’d be as good as a Merc one day. Lotus Elise - I dance like an ape & I love watching porn. Lotas Elan - I go on 18-30’s holiday’s to see how the other half live! Lotus M250 - Definite liar!!** Lincoln Town Car- I live for bingo and covered dish suppers. Mercury Grand Marquis- (See above) Mercedes SLK- I will beat you up if you ask me for an autograph. Mercedes 560SEL- I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named Cole. Mazda MX5 - I do not fear being decapitated by an 18- wheeler. Mazda RX7 - I know how to treat myself. MGB- I am dating a mechanic. MGF - I’m too short to drive any other car. MGZR - I’m a computer geek & make mohair wigs as a hobby. MGZS - I’m a posh ginger who claims to be strawberry blonde. Mini - I’m from Essex, no more needs to be said. Mitsubishi Diamante- I don't know what it means either. Mitsubishi Colt - I smell of cheese & shop in Liddles, Aldi’s, Pound stretcher etc. Mitsubishi Carisma - I have all the charm of a lion in captivity. Mitsubishi Evo 6 - I was an extra in Fast & the Furious (honest). Mitsubishi Evo 8 - See Nissan 350 Z. Mitsubishi Shogun - I’m insecure, eat steak for breakfast & I want a LandRover. Nissan Micra - I work for M&S, Tesco’s, Wallmart, etc. Nissan 300ZX- I have yet to complete my divorce proceedings. Nissan Primera - I design foe-fur naughty underwear for nuns. Nissan Skyline - I love speed and I don’t care who knows it, I also have a 3 page list of criminal convictions. Nissan Sunny - I talk too much & can handle a vindaloo with ease. Nissan Terrano - See Ford Maverick. Nissan 350Z - I’m a liar! * Oldsmobile Cutlass- I just stole this car and I'm going to make a.... Peugeot 106 - I have the most independent and exciting life, I’m also vain & live in a dream world. Peugeot 205 - I hang on street corners at the weekends & keep a machete under my passenger seat. Peugeot 206 - I wash my car every weekend & I’m on my 2nd marriage. Peugeot 206cc - I’m two faced and will try and run all you wasters off the road. Peugeot 305 - I deliver pizzas for a living. Peugeot 307 - I’m an accountant, I’ve found a car that suites every purpose & no purpose at the same time. Peugeot 405 - I have a job in the civil service & play poker at the weekends. Peugeot 406 - My girlfriend has to wear Elizabeth Duke Jewellery so I can afford this car. Peugeot 505 Diesel- I am on America’s Ten Most Wanted List. Plymouth Neon- I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena. Pontiac Trans AM- I have a switchblade in my sock. Porsche 944- I am dating big haired women that otherwise would be inaccessible to me. Porsche 911 - I have a small p*nis, my car is my substitute. Porsche Boxter - I still live with my mum & treat women like sh*t. Proton Impian - I have a pet raccoon called Jimmy & prefer shift work. Renault Clio - I love my Daddy. Renault Laguna - I’m always drunk, drunk, drunk! Renault Megane - I’m a lottery winner honest, ok so I only got 5 numbers. Renault Scenic - I haven’t heard of contraception. Rolls Royce Silver Shadow- I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too liberal. Rover Metro - I spend all day watching Friends & ER, I also like egg mayo and Tuna sandwiches. Rover 100 - I’m an OAP who always drives at least 20mph under the speed limit. Rover 200 - I’m too bland for German cars & I never pay my rent on time. Saab 9-5 - I definitely have more money than sense or taste. Saturn SC2- (See Honda Civic) Seat Alhambra - I can’t cook, have rotten teeth & live on a council estate in Bromley. Seat Ibiza - I want to be model, but I have no chance unless I bed the photographer. Seat Leon - My boss hates, that’s why he gave me this as a company car. Skoda Fabia - I can’t afford a Volkswagen. Skoda Octavia - I wear Bart Simpson ties to impress . . . nobody! Smart Roadster - I collect Mars Bar wrappers, I have one dating back to 1948. Subaru Legacy- I have always wanted a Japanese car even more than a life. Subaru Impreza - I’m just a poser & I want to get shagged. Suzuki Vitara JLX - I’m a Barbie girl, in my Barbie world. Suzuki Gran Vitara - I laugh like a demented dog & wear my underwear inside out. Toyota Avensis - I’m a cabbie & have robbed many liquor stores. Toyota Camry- I wear my wife’s knickers. Toyota Corolla - I wear the same underwear all week long. Toyota MR2 - I’m far too old to be driving this, but at least the women I pull aren’t. Toyota Rav4 - See Suzuki Vitara JLX. Toyota Starlet - I like to be different & not in the good sense. Toyota Supra - I can do no wrong. Toyota Yaris - I’m a failed student; also see MGF. TVR Chimera -I’m blind and consider Fosters Ice a hard-nut drink. TVR Tuscan - I keep picking up mingers, once had a bird with 3 tits. Vauxhall Almera - I got to over 50’s nights for a social life. Vauxhall Astra - I’ve just got onto the property ladder. Vauxhall Corsa - I’m single, but at least I’m not a hairdresser. Vauxhall Frontera - I’m going through my mid-life crisis & want to own a Winnebago. Vauxhall Nova - Essex-boy-racer & drug-dealer, has had more speeding fines than hot dinners! Vauxhall Tigra Sports - I'm sporty, stylish, and got a body shape to die for. Vauxhall Vectra - I’ve been a butcher, a baker & a candlestick maker. Vauxhall VX220 - I can’t see my feet, as my balls are too big. Volkswagen Beetle- I still watch Partridge Family reruns. Volkswagen Golf- I am out of the closet. Volkswagen Golf Convertible - I’m still hiding in the closet, but one day. . . Volkswagen Microbus- I am tripping right now. Volkswagen Polo - I own my own salon, but use too much salt on my food. Volvo 740 Wagon- I am frightened of my wife. Volvo S40 - I’m getting a personalized plate to compensate for not having a Merc.
|
|
|
Post by jimee on Feb 29, 2008 16:51:49 GMT
They're brilliant. Strangely enough my dad, my sister and my friend Nathan are pretty much perfectly described.
|
|
|
Post by pam on Mar 1, 2008 22:38:57 GMT
Coincidentally enough, I was browsing around the Vauxhall garage only this morning in search of my next car and was strongly drawn to the Tigra Sport...sounds like that's the car for me! ;D Currently I'm a boy racer disguised as a sensible office worker! lol
|
|
|
Post by debbie on Mar 2, 2008 16:45:02 GMT
Well at least that's not too insulting! My dad is getting a personalised number plate instead of a Mercedes, the husband is shaving a hairy part of his anatomy and the next door neighbour has a small ***** substituted by his car!!!!!
|
|
|
Post by pam on Mar 27, 2008 7:16:21 GMT
Forget 'Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars'..it's all right here --------------------->
'The Man Rules' At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down
Finally , the guys' side of the story. We always hear ' the rules ' From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered '1 ' ON PURPOSE!
1. Men are NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say 'nothing,' We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking a bout unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Hope that gave you all a chuckle, as it did me! ;D
|
|
|
Post by debbie on Mar 27, 2008 12:27:24 GMT
That's really funny and so accurate!
|
|